Twenty Onwards Media

And the Golden Kela goes to...

Well, the much-awaited event, the 1^st annual Golden Kela ceremony, is over. The event was enthralled with appearances made by Mr. and Mrs. Bhatti, Valentine Shipley, Amit Saigal (editor of RSJ), RJ Sarthak of 95 FM (unfortunately pet-friend Adam did not accompany him) and also the auditorium was throbbing with media and news channels.

All were present to acknowledge the 'true' talent of the Bollywood. And all of you, who were unable to make it and are eagerly waiting for the result of the 1st Golden Kela Awards, here are the winners:-

Main Category

   1. Worst Actor Male: Himesh Reshammiya for Karzzzzzzzz.

   2. Worst Actor Female: Priyanka Chopra for Dostana, Love Story 2050.

   3. Worst Film: Love Story 2050.

   4. Worst Director: Kunal Kohli for Thoda Life Thoda Magic.

   5. Worst Supporting Actor Male: Salman Khan for Hello.

   6. Worst Supporting Actor Female: Kangana Ranaut for Fashion.

   7. Worst Debutant Male: Harman Baweja.

   8. Worst Debutant Female: Anoushka Sharma.

 

Special Categories

   1. Bawra Ho Gaya Hai Ke Award:  Ram Gopal Varma for Everything He Did.

   2. When Did This Come Out Award: Wafaa.

   3. Lajja Award for Worst Treatment of a Serious Issue Award: Deshdrohi.

   4. Insensitivity Award: Fashion.

   5. Exceptional Dialogue Delivery: Tusshar Kapoor.

   6. Dara Singh award for the worst accent: Katrina Kaif.

 

Most Wanted Categories

   1. Most Atrocious Lyrics Award: Anvita Dutt Guptani for Lucky Boy from Bachna Ae Haseeno.

   2. Most Original Story: Hari Puttar.

   3. Most Irritating Song of the Year Award: Tandoori Nights from Karzzzzzzzz.

 

Links to the media coverage:-

 

 

 

The Golden Kela Awards - for the ripest tripe in Indian Cinema

Film lovers are going to see an awards show, which is altogether different from what they are used to see generally. RANDOM Magazine and the Sundaas Film Institute are organizing the first ever Golden Kela Awards (www.goldenkela.in) in Delhi, on 7th of March, 2009, at the India Habitat Centre. Golden Kela stands out because of its bizarre theme of celebrating the worst of Indian cinema. The event has proper categories like any other awards show, the only difference is instead of awarding the best performances, we award the worst ones.

Aishwarya Rai and Mallika Sherawat , both have been nominated for their acting excellence in the year 2008. And, Himesh Reshammiya has a well-deserved nomination in the Worst Actor's category.

The Golden Kela Awards are inspired by the Golden Raspberries or the Razzies of America. The nominations have been decided by the Magazine's board and the winners are going to be selected on the basis of an online poll. So, far we have received tremendous response through public voting and extensive media coverage.

Links to news stories:

Hindustan Times

Buzz 18

Mid Day

If you want to do your bit, log on to http://www.goldenkela.in/ and vote.

Mr. Jaspal Bhatti is the Chief Guest of Honor and he'll be awarded with the Life Time Achievement Award. 

Worst Actor (Male) :

Himesh Reshammiya - Karzzzz
(Monty is back! After 28 years! And he's fatter, cheaper and has weird hair! Not to mention the horrible music. Clip: Kya saboot hai tumhare paas ki tumne Ravi Varma ka khoon nahi kiya?
Hrithik Roshan - Jodhaa Akbar ( Akbar was'nt a tall, green-eyed six-packed handsome mimbo. He was short and stocky and most definitely could speak Urdu with the proper accent.)
Emraan Hashmi - Jannat (Monkey see, monkey do, monkey kiss, monkey plays bookie, monkey still remains a monkey.)
Salman Khan - Yuvvraj (Seriously Sallu bhai, why are you stuck in your ooh, aah and aooon brand of acting when you can choose to do nothing at all like Arjun Rampal or Rahul Bose? Much less work for the same results.)
Rahul Bose - Shaurya (For giving a total of two expressions for the entire duration of a high drama film)

Worst Actor (Female) :

Priyanka Chopra - Dostana, Love Story 2050
(C'mon Piggy...are you even trying? Are you trying to do something other than taking off a lot of your clothes?
Aishwarya Rai Bachchan - Jodha Akbar (For turning a strong Rajput princess (of dubious veracity) into one of Ekta Kapoor's heroines)
Kareena Kapoor - Tashan, Golmaal Returns (For being as cheap loud and obnoxious...)
Katrina Kaif - Yuvvraj (Oh what a pretty face! Oh what a pretty smile! Oh what a pretty girl! Unfortunately, acting is not skin deep)
Mallika Sherawat - Ugly aur Pagli (I wont waste precious space by saying anything about this performance!)

The Best Job in the World

Economy hit you hard?

Still can't sit down without a cushion?

Looking for a Job?

Well how does this sound -

    Position Vacant: Island Caretaker

    Location: Islands of The Great Barrier Reef

    Salary: AUD$150,000 6-month contract

    Responsibilities: Clean The Pool, Feed The Fish, Collect The Mail, Explore and Report Back

The Queensland government is looking for applicants for the Best Job in the World - Lazing around on the Beach and Blogging about how good it is there. Now if the 'Clean the Pool' and 'Feed the Fish' line doesn't calm the paranoiac in you (unless you think the fish are sharks (which they aren't, actually)) who is looking hard for the catch, it seems much of what the job entails is Blogging about the Islands.

Being an unofficial spokesperson for Queensland Tourism pays extremely well, getting you a little over USD$100,000 (including all allowances and benefits of course) for six months 'work'. After the first stage of selection, a shortlist of 50, and then 10 (+1 Wildcard applicant) will be selected by the proper authorities who will then have to go for the final round of interviews (which will include activities such as skill-based and aptitude tests and team challenges.)

So basically, it's Roadies with much less bullshit, better organization and instead of fifteen seconds of infamy the prize is a cushy government job. All right, so maybe comparing it to Roadies would be a little too much, but the point I'm trying to make is that resorting to such a tactic might not be just a clever marketing ploy (clever indeed since they only spent $1.7 mil for this worldwide campaign, and the hype is expected only to go up) not only a clever marketing ploy, but a revolutionary new move.

I mean think about it ... If more and more government agencies start going the reality show way won't something like, for example, the Civil Services Examination, actually be fun? (or at least, fun to watch.) I mean, look at the selection process for most government jobs - what does a person's General knowledge have to do with their abilities in, say, Resource Management, or Red tape Manufacture or whatever else it is that bureaucrats do? A good memory is nowhere near a good indicator of good judgment or managerial skills, so why not a good physique? A nice smile or voice? How about the ability to eat cupcakes suspended in a cage full of flies without using your hands with fresh cream dripping down your face? _{[Actual task in Khatron ke Khiladi]}

All right so maybe I'm taking it too far, but think about it - intelligence is vastly overrated, stupid people have been discriminated against far too long, and the best, most fun jobs always go to the person least deserving them. Not only does this level the playing field, but it gives everyone a fair, fighting chance.

All you have to do is tell the world in sixty seconds what makes you uniquely qualified for the job.

Good Luck.

a poignant statement for HELP!

HELo peoPle, its ME!

It hAs recently coMe to my attention that it's a BEautIful, shiniNGplace out tHEre! with enough Love anD niceness And Goodness to go Around for everyone INthiSworld! iTs really very siMple to trYto find Warmth and contenment! Its reaLLy just Amatter of goiNg outsiDe and Moving About and looKing for it IN the right place Man! yEah thats right and you can finD it tOo friends! just like i have B, Like fO' shizzle! GoodneSs i have been Talking about tHis for long havEnt i reallY Comrades! bUTi Must saY, LookIng at the PoSition i am in nOw, its suFFicient to say i am happy! 

ITS lUCKy Super fun! yay! so wHy thE sLoPiness? you Morons, gEt happy!!!!!

SERIOUSLY!!!!

New Stuff (BUY IT!)

 

THE underrated ISSUE - Out on Stands

The Underrated Issue with Gul Panag.

Gul was crowned Miss India in 1999. She did her first film in 2003. Since then, she has done very few films, but most of them have left their mark. In an industry where being a model is enough to land you roles, Gul can actually act.

AT A STAND NEAR YOU!...or maybe under a flyover

NOW ON STANDS!!!

Dear Friends/Prospective Readers/People we randomly know through the net.

After our small lull in between, TRAFFIC Life is now out on stands throughout India, in the coming days, weeks and months, you'll keep receiving regular updates on our events, forthcoming issues and hell of a lot more! Don't worry we will get back to inane entries on our office shenanigans very soon.

Now, let me tell you a bit about our Inaugural Issue:

It’s the ‘Filmy’ Issue, keeping with our USP of thematic issues, we have VINAY PATHAK on our cover, representing the changing face of Indian Cinema.

In addition to that we have profile interviews with filmmakers as diverse as Apoorva Lakhia (Shootout at Lokhandwala), Pradeep Sarkar (Laaga Chunari Mein Daag) and Sabiha Sumar (Khamosh Pani). Articles about South Indian Films and Pakistani Cinema by our contributors Gautam Chintamani and Asad Hashim.

A comic take on Indian films in our Tangent Section. An entertainment section (Movies, music, books and online recommendations) based around Films and Filmmaking among a great more from our edit team and contributors.

So, pick up a copy, available across India at a stand near you!

As always we would love to get your feedback, so keep posting!

Regards,

Jatin Varma
Editor - in - Chief
TRAFFIC Life

P.S - For our members outside India, our WEB TRAFFIC will be up and running especially for you, very soon. Lookout for the update.

Spring Break Darfur?

Nicholas Kristof is offering a chance to  win a trip to Darfur with him. Kristof is a NY Times columnist, who has for the past year or so covered the genocide in Darfur passionately. At one time challenged Bill O'Reilly to go to Darfur with him, instead of criticizing his articles.

Surely, a very "different" Spring Break destination.

Jessica Lal Petition

Kris forwarded me this email, so i felt i should just put it up on the blog.

Dear friends,
The acquittal of all nine accused in the Jessica Lall murder case by a Delhi court is a sad reflection of the state of affairs in our country. It is a pointer to everything that's wrong with our police, our prosecution and our criminal justice system. The verdict is proof of the fact that in this country, the rich and the powerful are above law...not only can they commit any crime with impunity, but they can also get away with it! The outcome in this case strengthens those who have regularly misused and abused the law and the state machinery. It strengthens them and it weakens the rest of us - us, the ordinary citizens like you and me who have a rightful stake in the future of this country. It therefore becomes imperative to fight back this verdict and this outcome. We must join hands to push for retrial in this case to give justice another chance...and to give ourselves another chance!!

This can be achieved by mounting public pressure in the country - the pressure of public opinion from all regions and quarters of the country. Already we have some media organizations taking the lead in this -- through an online signature campaign, we can supplement those efforts and add to the pressure. We are aiming at ten thousand signatures so that after the completion of the campaign, we can petition the President of India and the Chief Justice of India for securing a retrial, this time backed by authentic and independent investigation in the case. So, lend a hand and spread the message further so that we can petition the President and the CJI with ten thousand signatures at the earliest.
It is important that a message is sent across. It is important that we together fight back. And it is important that we win.

PLEASE GO TO THE FOLLOWING LINK AND SIGN ON THE PETITION

Sign On Here

So, if you are an Delhite or an Indian, please sign up.