June 23, 2009

Calvin & Hobbes: 15 July, '88

Below is the Calvin and Hobbes strip from the day I was born ... I hoped to feel a connection to this comic strip. Some sort of link or affinity of some kind that would prompt me to write a very heart-felt, personal blog, about how the strip changed my life and made me realize that even I can't bullshit this much.

19880715

But then, after reading this strip over and over again, I came to a conclusion (the Wagner beating in my ear helped a little, but I still hold that it was me re-reading the strip that gave me insight.) Calvin has been away playing again, making him late for dinner, and so his parents ask him where he has been. Calvin, being the imaginative little troublemaker that he is, spins an impromptu tall-tale involving a balloon, his 'transmogrifier' and a convenient return to his natural state - ending with a snide comment about his mother's cooking. His mother then makes a comment about Calvin transmogrifying himself into smeone who makes more sense.

Now, to the average reader this would seem nothing more than a very simple Calvin and Hobbes strip - there isn't much undercurrent, but it involves a decent amount of imagination. In fact, the sharp-eyed reader could even tell that this strip is really only here to segue from the last story arc to the normal flow of the strip.

But what this strip is really about is the playfullness and vitality of youth, and even life itself. All Calvin and Hobbes strips have this intrinsic vibrancy to them, and this is a fine example of it (if not the best.) The contrast of Calvin's imaginative ramblings and his Parent's firm rooting in reality is not only hilarious, but the way each intrudes into the other (Calvin interacting with Reality and his Parents commenting on Calvin's fantasies) is also a good source of banter and fun.

But how this strip really speaks to me, is through its simplicity - there are no hidden philosophies, no political statements, no jibes at rivals. Just plain, simple fun. A bit like a Dennis the Menace cartoon, only funny. This strip has nothing else of note, nothing even remotely interesting, or curious, or worth mentioning about it, so I'm just going to stop here. Maybe next time I'll pick a more interesting strip (I just thought, Hey! It's my birthday strip, and it C&H, It'll be fun! But what the fuck do I know) So anyway, this is me bullshitting about this lame comic strip (Watterson could have done any other strip, any of the fun ones or the deep ones that I could write a whole fucking essay on, but no he had to wrote this lukewarm piece of-)

That's all I have to say on this subject, hopefully in another blog I'll choose a subject that is actually worth writing about, and not just something mediocre and 'transitional' like this contrived little piece of-

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June 22, 2009

Maula Jatt - An Unforgettable Experience

I could not understand a single word of those chaste Punjabi dialogues.  But still I was completely knocked out by what I saw in bits and pieces of this action-packed Lollywood masala movie. Khuda Ke Liye may have given an identity to Pakistani movies, but the experience would be incomplete if you don't watch Maula Jatt. You think I'm exaggerating, huh? Then check out the movie in Youtube where an ardent fan has uploaded the movie for the non-believers.

As I would not like to divulge much about the movie, I will simply say that it's a classic tale of love, romance, revenge and the victory of good over the evil ... Go watch the movie online and thank me later...


You still there??? Ok, let me entice you a li'l more. Maula Jatt is this village guy, who is basically the Jatt version of Superman. He performs all these stunts with his weapon which is called gandaasa. Now, don't ask me what is a gandaasa actually. As per my observation it's a magnified version of axe. And, there is Noorie Nutt (it's spelt Nath somewhere), the baddie who is always at the look out for raping someone and this leads to his clash with Maula Jatt.

So, there are lot of blood, ripped off limbs flying in the air and bits of human intestines dangling from Maula's gandaasa. The film has it's touching moments, when Maula appears from nowhere everytime his Bharjai is in need of some sort of help. And for you perverts out there, there is even an item number by Daro Nathni (one of the lust interests of Noorie Nutt), when Maula beats the hell out of the villain who chased her on a horse throughout the village for nearly 10 mins of screen time.

Have look at this iconic poster of the movie:

Maula_Jutt

March 09, 2009

And the Golden Kela goes to...

Well, the much-awaited event, the 1st annual Golden Kela ceremony, is over. The event was enthralled with appearances made by Mr. and Mrs. Bhatti, Valentine Shipley, Amit Saigal (editor of RSJ), RJ Sarthak of 95 FM (unfortunately pet-friend Adam did not accompany him) and also the auditorium was throbbing with media and news channels.

All were present to acknowledge the 'true' talent of the Bollywood. And all of you, who were unable to make it and are eagerly waiting for the result of the 1st Golden Kela Awards, here are the winners:-


Main Category

   1. Worst Actor Male: Himesh Reshammiya for Karzzzzzzzz.

   2. Worst Actor Female: Priyanka Chopra for Dostana, Love Story 2050.

   3. Worst Film: Love Story 2050.

   4. Worst Director: Kunal Kohli for Thoda Life Thoda Magic.

   5. Worst Supporting Actor Male: Salman Khan for Hello.

   6. Worst Supporting Actor Female: Kangana Ranaut for Fashion.

   7. Worst Debutant Male: Harman Baweja.

   8. Worst Debutant Female: Anoushka Sharma.

 

Special Categories

   1. Bawra Ho Gaya Hai Ke Award:  Ram Gopal Varma for Everything He Did.

   2. When Did This Come Out Award: Wafaa.

   3. Lajja Award for Worst Treatment of a Serious Issue Award: Deshdrohi.

   4. Insensitivity Award: Fashion.

   5. Exceptional Dialogue Delivery: Tusshar Kapoor.

   6. Dara Singh award for the worst accent: Katrina Kaif.

 

Most Wanted Categories

   1. Most Atrocious Lyrics Award: Anvita Dutt Guptani for Lucky Boy from Bachna Ae Haseeno.

   2. Most Original Story: Hari Puttar.

   3. Most Irritating Song of the Year Award: Tandoori Nights from Karzzzzzzzz.

 

Links to the media coverage:-

 

 

 

March 04, 2009

The Golden Kela Awards - for the ripest tripe in Indian Cinema

Film lovers are going to see an awards show, which is altogether different from what they are used to see generally. RANDOM Magazine and the Sundaas Film Institute are organizing the first ever Golden Kela Awards (www.goldenkela.in) in Delhi, on 7th of March, 2009, at the India Habitat Centre. Golden Kela stands out because of its bizarre theme of celebrating the worst of Indian cinema. The event has proper categories like any other awards show, the only difference is instead of awarding the best performances, we award the worst ones.

Aishwarya Rai and Mallika Sherawat , both have been nominated for their acting excellence in the year 2008. And, Himesh Reshammiya has a well-deserved nomination in the Worst Actor's category.

The Golden Kela Awards are inspired by the Golden Raspberries or the Razzies of America. The nominations have been decided by the Magazine's board and the winners are going to be selected on the basis of an online poll. So, far we have received tremendous response through public voting and extensive media coverage.

Links to news stories:

Hindustan Times

Buzz 18

Mid Day


If you want to do your bit, log on to http://www.goldenkela.in/ and vote.

Mr. Jaspal Bhatti is the Chief Guest of Honor and he'll be awarded with the Life Time Achievement Award. 

Worst Actor (Male) :

Himesh Reshammiya - Karzzzz
(Monty is back! After 28 years! And he's fatter, cheaper and has weird hair! Not to mention the horrible music. Clip: Kya saboot hai tumhare paas ki tumne Ravi Varma ka khoon nahi kiya?
Hrithik Roshan - Jodhaa Akbar ( Akbar was'nt a tall, green-eyed six-packed handsome mimbo. He was short and stocky and most definitely could speak Urdu with the proper accent.)
Emraan Hashmi - Jannat (Monkey see, monkey do, monkey kiss, monkey plays bookie, monkey still remains a monkey.)
Salman Khan - Yuvvraj (Seriously Sallu bhai, why are you stuck in your ooh, aah and aooon brand of acting when you can choose to do nothing at all like Arjun Rampal or Rahul Bose? Much less work for the same results.)
Rahul Bose - Shaurya (For giving a total of two expressions for the entire duration of a high drama film)

Worst Actor (Female) :

Priyanka Chopra - Dostana, Love Story 2050
(C'mon Piggy...are you even trying? Are you trying to do something other than taking off a lot of your clothes?
Aishwarya Rai Bachchan - Jodha Akbar (For turning a strong Rajput princess (of dubious veracity) into one of Ekta Kapoor's heroines)
Kareena Kapoor - Tashan, Golmaal Returns (For being as cheap loud and obnoxious...)
Katrina Kaif - Yuvvraj (Oh what a pretty face! Oh what a pretty smile! Oh what a pretty girl! Unfortunately, acting is not skin deep)
Mallika Sherawat - Ugly aur Pagli (I wont waste precious space by saying anything about this performance!)

January 09, 2009

The Weather.

While some of you may be the kind of people who can't wait go out and brighten people's days, there are others, others like me, who would rather be sitting home doing whatever the hell they want.

Doing a lot of that (staying at home etc) makes you capable of doing many things - much like unlocking a secret level or skill, one might say. Among these secret skills is the ability to cut through the usual pragmatics and frills of everyday conversation to get to what people are really saying.

Most times people don't really say much, just the usual 'Validate My Existence, Please' (Usually rendered as a Hi!, or a How do I get to the Bus-stop from here?, or even Why is this not done yet?) or the always fun 'Let's See Which One of Us Is Superior' (Have you seen the new xyz? or, So what do you think of the situation in [foreign place]? or, Everyone knows that [useless information]) It is also not uncommon to find 'Please Be My Friend' sprinkled here and there [Can I get you anything?, So where did you go to school?, Ha Ha Good One!]

The reason behind this confounded language - Social Mores, Fear of Confrontation, Ulterior Motives, etc -  is deeply ingrained in our psyches it is not evident to people doing it that they are doing it. In fact, while a lot of people do realize what's going on and know when to play along, most people fail to do so, and often end up taking whatever is spoken at face value. That is why when most people hear 'Shitty weather we're having, huh?' they go 'Yeah, pretty much...' instead of hugging the person.

Not once do people hear what is actually being said; no one does things for others when people say 'This is really hard', no one starts working faster when the Boss comes over and says anything to them, no one automatically accepts someone for who they are without condition or prejudice when they make lame jokes all the time.

Do you realize how often people have to go on about how much fun they used to have before you realize that they're just reliving the high point of their lives. How often must people make polite small talk until you realize what they really want is some of your weed/booze/booty? How often have people talked about their lives when what they really need is a good kick and a yelling at for being a whiny little shit?

It is a sad world indeed. A world without compassion and warmth. A place where friends are few and far in between, and difficult to trust at that. Let us all try to make the world a better, saner place by pledging, from this moment on, to stop all this stupidity and say exactly what we mean, all the time.

I'm Adhiraj Singh and I Need A Fucking Hug.

Good Night and God Bless.

January 07, 2009

The Killer's Menu

2008

... Ho! Ho! Ho! ... 

'Merry Killings and a Happy New Crime'

Delhi  

  

This was then, but as we further slide into the year 2009, there are chances that you will end up as the killer’s favorite dish for their special occasions. That is is exactly what our Delhites enjoy doing bizarre acts such as above (box in the newspaper article) with their fellow-beings. 

Behold, my friends, observe and be cautious of your every move before landing up in their melting chocolate and creamy dessert of blood delights. Until and unless, you want to put on a little weight and struggle your way up to the Almighty. Calories that are throbbing with madness and insanity while you were being slapped, stabbed, shot or tortured before being relished by these ‘gracious and generous’ killers of the Capital.

 

January 06, 2009

Remember When Vloggers Used to Be Stupid Teenagers ...

... with nothing else to do but whine about their mediocre existence?

I do.
It was a pleasant, breezy time when the Lulz were were easy to come by and politics were the least of your worries. Good was Good and bad was Bad, and telling the difference wasn't all that difficult.

Maybe I've gotten older and wiser, or just more cynical, but lately it is getting more and more difficult. There are still obviously Bad people, and still the Good, but no longer two sides to any situation, whether it is here in India or anywhere else in the world.

Now, the situation here is clearer to me since I am on one side of the fence, but with something like whats happening in Gaza right now, it gets very confusing.

Here is a video from the official media desk of the Israeli Defense Forces (on Youtube,)


Now, this charming Vlog is one of many by the Official Spokesperson of the IDF where they give the world regular rundown of Operation Cast Lead, under which they are now moving into Gaza with ground troops and tanks.

The Channel also features footage from Israeli Air Force planes of Target sites, such as this,


Which as you can see does a pretty good job of setting them up as hi-tech IRL white knights out to save the Gazans from treacherous clutches of Hamas.

But then again, here's an Al-Jazeera newscast from the same day,


showing 50 dead civilians among the dead Hamas workers. For those of you who don't know, this started when Hamas (according to Israel) misfired a rocket aimed at IDF positions and killed two little Gazan girls, breaking the latest ceasefire (Hamas doesn't have a Press Desk. They like to avoid the whole Publicity thing.)

Leaving aside the whole issue of, well, proportion killing, this starts again the whole issue of whether Israel's show of cold, crushing force will send a strong message to Militant elements, or will it lead to a stronger generation of Palestinians ready to give Israel a taste of their own medicine.

I can only hope something like that doesn't start here, despite the many attempts by terrorists to disturb the peace. I for one think it's wise our government hasn't taken any rash steps regarding the Mumbai attacks.

For some closure, and maybe to give some peace of mind to you readers, here is a debate aired on Al-Jazeera where two Jewish and Arab professors talked through their differences and quarelled like children.
 

Good Night.

December 30, 2008

Grumpy Blog

Right. So after NOT being bombarded by comments from people asking what the hell my last post was about, I've decided to break. I'm gonna come right out and tell you. It's a Tengwar transliteration of Baby Got Back ... Stoopid!

Here's a couple of Teenage Girls showing you how to do it for yourself.


And if that doesn't interest you here's an Australian Chick playing Spider-pig on the Trombone.

December 29, 2008

Cinema Fresher


The Uniform Days

Year 2003; it was just another boring Sunday spent in the boarding school at a desert like area in Punjab.Most of the inmates had gone home by then. All those who didn’t were either busy sleeping in the dorms or were happily cracking stupid nonsensical jokes in Punjabi. Since it was hard for me to comprehend the local language and had no one to talk to at that time, I chose to be alone. It was almost two in the afternoon, I tried really hard to sleep, but couldn’t (as it is everyone around me were snoring loud enough to kill anyone in the battle of noises). After an hour of restlessness, I got up and walked to the TV room. I picked up the remote control and got busy watching ridiculous shows and videos. After sometime, I saw Paanch’s footage and the name of the director of that film, Anurag Kashyap for the very first time. Those 10 seconds footage completely blew my senses away. It felt so different watching it and I felt happy that finally our Bollywood is ready to experiment and Paanch could one of the films entering into the loop.

Unfortunately, the film underwent a lot of troubles and controversies. The Censor Board of India never approved of its release. Thereafter, Paanch never made it to the cinema halls. Movie buffs like us moved on too. We had to compromise with our taste in cinema by fulfilling our basic requirement of entertainment sans intelligence with anything that came by.

 Class Bunk

After Paanch’s hullabaloo, Kashyap vowed never to come back. But on February 9th, 2007, his second film, Black Friday (based on the 1993 Mumbai bombings), finally released. It was to be released in the year 2004, but couldn’t due to legal hassles. But, when things cooled down and the film managed to release, I watched it and was left astounded. The movie was well appreciated by the critics and the public. With the theatrical debut of Black Friday, Anurag Kashyap was finally noticed for his exceptional work as a filmmaker.

Within that year, No Smoking released too. Unfortunately, unlike Black Friday’s success, No Smoking turned out to be a disaster. As opposed to this, a handful of people, including me, worshipped the film. The film boasted of an exceptionally well written script and incredible narration.

Days later, I read about an internet site called ‘Passion for Cinema’, where Kashyap regularly blogged. Since I was an avid blogger, I started to comment on his posts as well, hoping that some day he would post his opinion on my articles.

Getting the Degree

It was a cold and exhausting November night, while I was busy preparing for the semesters (M.A Philosophy). Suddenly, I received a mail alert on my computer. I checked my inbox. There was a mail from the man himself. I was wonderstruck and then stared blankly at the PC for long. I was also shit scared to read the damn mail. Some strange rambling went on in my head almost driving me nuts–

Should I?

Should I Not?

What could he have written?

Did I write something wrong on his blog?

What if he is extremely offended by it?

I was clueless and decided to delete the mail without even reading it. Somehow, I did manage to read the mail after assembling my guts and this is what he had written (to some extent though…I can’t remember the exact message).

“Hey Anjalika, thank you for the comment…..I’m glad that we share a similar understanding….I visited your blog and read your stuff…..I would really like it if you could mail your CV to me…

Regards,

Anurag Kashyap”

Immediately, I mailed my résumé, after making numerous changes to my CV and rehearsed it after each and every changes made to it. I went berserk and ignored my books. Suddenly, my phone rang.

“Bloody Hell! Who could this be?” I exclaimed after seeing an unknown number flashing on my cell phone.

I answered,

“Hello”

“Anjalika, this is Anurag Kashyap.”

“Yeah right!”

I disconnected the call after saying that.

I was really pissed off. I thought it was my friend fooling around me (as they always do).  In another few minutes, the phone rang again. It was the same goddamn unknown number. Annoyed, I answered the call and told him,

“Listen man….enough with this fooling around. I would really appreciate it if you could put a halt to this bullshit right now.”

“Anjalika, this is Anurag Kashyap. You had just sent me your résumé minutes ago.”

“Shit”…Embarrassed, I muttered that to myself and instantly apologized giving out my reasons for being crude. Nonetheless, things chilled out between us and we talked for sometime.

“So Anjalika what are you doing these days?”

“Sir, I’m preparing for my Masters.”

“Don’t call me sir.”

“Is Kashyap fine?”

“Yup! What else have you done?”

“I’ve done my Bachelor’s in Journalism and after that I did internships with a news paper and AIR. I have also worked as a production assistant in a production house.”

“Alright. Anjalika how long have you been writing?”

“Not long enough and I don’t think of myself as a great one either.”

“Your favorite film?”

“Cinema Paradiso”

“Hmmmm…”

“Anj, would you be interested in working on my new film? It’s called Dev.D. We have a long shooting schedule in Delhi and we need people.”

“Of course. It will be an honor to work with you.”

“That’s great. You are hired then.”

“Thank you so much, Kashyap.”

“No issues. I’ll tell someone from my team to mail you the script and other requirements like auditions and location set up.”

“Sure.”

“Good Luck Anjalika and good night. Also, all the best for your papers.”

“Thank you and good night to you too.”

“Bye”

“Bye”

Assignment

In another week, I received the film script and, subsequently, kick started with the recce with location hunting, putting up ads for new casts in various theatre schools and intuitions and lots of running around. After a month, Kashyap’s team, along with the casting director, arrived in Delhi, instantly starting off with the pre-production. Actors who auditioned were mostly from National School of Drama and a lot of them were really good. Everything was in progress; it all went smoothly and without much delay. I even met Kashyap (twice infact) during pre-production in Delhi when the winter was harsh. The so called “jinxed” or “the controversial director”, as portrayed by media, is actually a very sweet guy in person. Though I didn’t get to spend quality time with him (Honestly, I barely had few minutes with him), but I still had a great time. He talked mostly about Delhi and how much he loves the city and misses its winters after moving to Mumbai.

He went through the recorded disc of those auditioned. Most of the actors were rejected for faking it. He told us to spend another week and audition more people. As far as the location was concerned, especially Paharganj (as required for the script), I showed him this Café cum restaurant that had a terrace overlooking the narrow and crowded street; all of which was recorded on my video cam. This Café was located in the main market, but the place and the street definitely had a great cinematic impact. He was really happy with this spot and approved it instantly. By late evening, he left for Mumbai and wished me good luck.

The second time he visited Delhi was when the team was ready to leave for Mumbai. Kashyap had come for a press conference. His first animation, Hanuman Returns (dedicated to his daughter), was releasing in that week. He even informed the media about his new film, Dev D. After the conference was over, he took all of us out for lunch at Kake da Dhaba, Connaught Place (incidentally, this dinning place also happens to be his favorite). While he ordered for a Kashmiri mutton dish, I gorged myself with makki di roti and sarson ka saag.

Soon, everything got over. I was really happy with the way things turned out while I was with Anurag Kashyap’s team. I learn a lot during these days. All this was not only challenging but exciting as well. It was surely worth the experience. When the shooting began, I even had a chance to be on the set of Dev.D in Chandni Chowk and meet its star cast (Abhay Deol and the other two female actors who were newcomers). I’m really glad that I had the opportunity to work with Anurag Kashyap. It had always been a dream, and now I shall always cherish this.

December 22, 2008

Amu – Journey of an Indian Girl

Amu is a story of an Indian American woman who comes to India for the first time from Los Angeles. Konkana Sen plays Kaju Roy, the central character of the film, who has come to Delhi to get to know more about her cultural roots. She was taken away from India when she just a kid. Later on, she was adopted by a Bengali socialist single mother, Keya, played by Brinda Karat. Gradually, the film unfolds with the grim truth of Kaju’s life. Somehow, as the film proceeds, we see Kaju discovering her real self, who her parents were, and how was she involved in the terrible riots of 1984 following the assassination of Indira Gandhi.

Amu

Amu is a very well made and daring film. The storyline is amazing, backed by excellent performances by Konkana Sen Sharma. Though being an Indian actress, she has done complete justice to playing the role of a NRI with a strong American accent. The other cast in the supporting roles have also done an incredible job; that includes the first timers – Brinda Karat who plays the foster parent to Kaju and Ankur Khanna who plays Kabir.

Directed by Shonali Bose, with a powerful performance from Konkona Sen Sharma, Amu attempts to take us deep; giving a glimpse of the unanswered questions india’s bloody past.