Twenty Onwards Media

Indian Summer

This phrase supposedly means a nice, pleasant summer with clear skies and warm breezes (actually, now that I actually look it up, it means a nice, pleasant, brief sunny period in autumn, but whatever) and you really have to experience Summer in North India to laugh at the immense irony in that obviously American figure of speech.

Today I had the immense privilege of spending a little less than four hours just sitting in an auto, after spending a full hour of minor running around (the bank, the wrong branch, finding an auto that was actually willing to take me where I had to go, etc) in Late June New Delhi weather - and anyone who has spent a summer in New Delhi knows what I have just been through.

Right now, even the English language seems inadequate for what I'm trying to describe - Sunlight doesn't do justice to the death-rays shooting at you from the sky, seemingly piercing the invincible Tarp(!) that covered the top of the auto. While the thing was running it was breezy enough, even though I realized the hot wind was dehydrating me faster and I didn't have any water with me, I still enjoyed it every chance I got. I didn't get much of a chance to enjoy it though, being stuck in a traffic jam that stretched practically across South Delhi (if you're familiar with the area, the jam stretched from the BRT corridor to the Mehrauli-Badarpur road.

Actually it stretched all across the M-B road too, but they had a couple of nice Delhi Traffic Policemen standing around telling people to go around because 'there is a really bad jam up ahead.' Half of me wanted to club the guy over the head with his walkie-talkie and half of me wondered how 'really bad' the jam must be up ahead if they're turning people away.

So the auto took a few turns as the policeman suggested and got us stuck in a back-alley traffic jam, which seemed worse because somehow the clustered buildings made it even hotter and humid-er. So after about 40 minutes of waiting and sweating and listening random pedestrians going 'no use turn back' we finally made it to the main road (M-B road, which seemed suspiciously devoid of 'really bad jam', after that it was seemed like the smoothest, most refreshing ride ever after that bylane parking area I was in.

But eventually I reached where I had to go (it was across the street from a BSF training camp ... thats how far away it was from the city ... though technically it was still in the city) and I dripped up to the counter, and dripped right back, and this time the auto (same auto, gave me a round-trip deal) took about half the time to get me back, even though we caught shitty slow traffic in Khanpur and stopped for a drink along the way.

I had a fun time and I drank a full bottle of pepsi. And that was how I spent my morning.

THE END

Adhiraj Singh
(Age 20)

The Best Job in the World

Economy hit you hard?

Still can't sit down without a cushion?

Looking for a Job?

Well how does this sound -

    Position Vacant: Island Caretaker

    Location: Islands of The Great Barrier Reef

    Salary: AUD$150,000 6-month contract

    Responsibilities: Clean The Pool, Feed The Fish, Collect The Mail, Explore and Report Back

The Queensland government is looking for applicants for the Best Job in the World - Lazing around on the Beach and Blogging about how good it is there. Now if the 'Clean the Pool' and 'Feed the Fish' line doesn't calm the paranoiac in you (unless you think the fish are sharks (which they aren't, actually)) who is looking hard for the catch, it seems much of what the job entails is Blogging about the Islands.

Being an unofficial spokesperson for Queensland Tourism pays extremely well, getting you a little over USD$100,000 (including all allowances and benefits of course) for six months 'work'. After the first stage of selection, a shortlist of 50, and then 10 (+1 Wildcard applicant) will be selected by the proper authorities who will then have to go for the final round of interviews (which will include activities such as skill-based and aptitude tests and team challenges.)

So basically, it's Roadies with much less bullshit, better organization and instead of fifteen seconds of infamy the prize is a cushy government job. All right, so maybe comparing it to Roadies would be a little too much, but the point I'm trying to make is that resorting to such a tactic might not be just a clever marketing ploy (clever indeed since they only spent $1.7 mil for this worldwide campaign, and the hype is expected only to go up) not only a clever marketing ploy, but a revolutionary new move.

I mean think about it ... If more and more government agencies start going the reality show way won't something like, for example, the Civil Services Examination, actually be fun? (or at least, fun to watch.) I mean, look at the selection process for most government jobs - what does a person's General knowledge have to do with their abilities in, say, Resource Management, or Red tape Manufacture or whatever else it is that bureaucrats do? A good memory is nowhere near a good indicator of good judgment or managerial skills, so why not a good physique? A nice smile or voice? How about the ability to eat cupcakes suspended in a cage full of flies without using your hands with fresh cream dripping down your face? _{[Actual task in Khatron ke Khiladi]}

All right so maybe I'm taking it too far, but think about it - intelligence is vastly overrated, stupid people have been discriminated against far too long, and the best, most fun jobs always go to the person least deserving them. Not only does this level the playing field, but it gives everyone a fair, fighting chance.

All you have to do is tell the world in sixty seconds what makes you uniquely qualified for the job.

Good Luck.

Overheard this Morning

"... So what you're saying is, the government should enforce these everyday comforts for each of their citizens?"

"No-"

"So just the minorities then?"

"I didn't say that either. Stop putting words in my mouth. What I said was, the government is responsible for upholding these 'comforts' as you put it, in everyday situations for it's citizens, whoever they may be. Basic rights such as these should be made available to all who should have them. This should be one of the most important, if not the most important function of government."

"This micro-management of civic amenities?"

"No, to oversee the execution of its legislature. The very functioning of Government is built around the idea of making laws and ordinances and executing and enforcing them rightfully, and if giving Democracy the respect it deserves, is too much to ask of you, sir, then-"

"Now now, let's not drag the good name of democracy into the mud just yet. You went off on the justification and legality of the matter when my point was simply questioning whether the government has the right, no the very gall to govern such minutiae in the lives of its citizens. Are they not capable of simple actions such as this? Are they truly so handicapped that they need this constant coddling, the full might of the government behind them to 'stake their claim', so to speak?"

"Of course not! This is not 'coddling', just enforcement of the laws of the land - And I can see where you're going to go with this, so let me just get it out of the way first by saying that this reservation of seats and me supporting it is in no way implying inferiority to others. It is merely an attempt to 'level the playing field' for those of us who have been denied opportunities more readily and unfairly available to others. Don't forget that our society discriminates on the most superficial of distinctions."

"It's not our society that makes us discriminate, it is our humanity. It is not possible to truly know someone the instant you meet them, so you judge them on the aspects that you can see. It is a perfectly natural act and there is nothing wrong with this. It might not be fair, but that's just the way things go in real life. And if your response to discrimination is further discrimination, then that really binds your case in a neat little circular-"

"No no, not further discrimination, leveling, bringing to par with a position that should rightfully be ours-"

"'Rightfully be yours'? How? By the nature of your birth? By your last name? By the color of your skin?"

"-by the fact that these basic rights have been denied to us because of those very reasons! You can twist words and pontificate all you want, but that won't change the way we have suffered all this time, the bigotry we have faced, the number of times we have been sidelined, pushed aside like so many trivial things, does this not call for some reparation? Where is our respite? Where is our revolution? Where is our Gandhi?!"

"All right! You can have your damned seat! My stop is here anyway."

As the Man made his way out the bus it is possible he might have said the word 'Bitch', and the Woman who sat down in the seat he just left might have said the word 'Homo'. It is possible, but I can't be sure.

The End

a poignant statement for HELP!

HELo peoPle, its ME!

It hAs recently coMe to my attention that it's a BEautIful, shiniNGplace out tHEre! with enough Love anD niceness And Goodness to go Around for everyone INthiSworld! iTs really very siMple to trYto find Warmth and contenment! Its reaLLy just Amatter of goiNg outsiDe and Moving About and looKing for it IN the right place Man! yEah thats right and you can finD it tOo friends! just like i have B, Like fO' shizzle! GoodneSs i have been Talking about tHis for long havEnt i reallY Comrades! bUTi Must saY, LookIng at the PoSition i am in nOw, its suFFicient to say i am happy! 

ITS lUCKy Super fun! yay! so wHy thE sLoPiness? you Morons, gEt happy!!!!!

SERIOUSLY!!!!